


Grandma Barnes' Romanian Potion

by AnonEhouse



Series: Starvation Sleep-Deprivation Stories [8]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Love Potion No. 9 (1992)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fusion, Crack Treated Seriously, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-23
Updated: 2015-03-23
Packaged: 2018-03-19 06:04:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3599136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonEhouse/pseuds/AnonEhouse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky gives Steve a magic potion so girls will listen to him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Grandma Barnes' Romanian Potion

(If you are reading this on any PAY site this is a STOLEN WORK, the author has NOT Given Permission for it to be here. If you're paying to read it, you're being cheated too because you can read it on Archiveofourown for FREE.)

"Ok, look here, this is from my Romanian grandma's recipe," Bucky said, handing Steve a small cut-glass vial with a spray bulb atomizer screwed on top. The glass was a smoky, iridescent purple, light enough so that Steve could see the dark liquid roiling within. It looked oily, and moved in ripples. "I want you to have it, while I'm gone. I won't need it. Haven't used it in years."

"I got my asthma meds," Steve replied, looking warily at the bottle. He'd never forget the sour tripe soup that was supposedly a family favorite.

"It's not for that. It makes girls listen to you."

"Yeah." Steve was used to Bucky pulling his leg, but that was too far-fetched to bother with.

"No, really. You think I was always this good with the girls?"

Steve gave Bucky an incredulous look. "Well, yes?"

"I came here from the Old Country with the family. Had an accent you could cut with a knife, and my mother dressed me funny. Bein' good lookin' isn't all it takes, or you'd have girls hanging all over you like grapes on a vine."

"I'm not good looking."

"You're skinny, but you brush up fine." Bucky was beginning to sound annoyed. "Your problem is you expect the girls not to be interested in you, so you don't put yourself out there. Girls don't like wallflowers. They like a guy to have a little self-confidence."

"And that's a bottle of self-confidence?" Steve wouldn't put it past Bucky to get a druggist's sore throat mixture and wrap it in a fairy tale.

"No. It's the next best thing... like training wheels on a bicycle. This makes girls want to listen to you, and you get used to feeling like someone worth bein' listened to until you don't need it any more."

"Give it here." Steve figured Bucky was going off to war, if this made him feel better about leaving Steve behind, he could go along with it. He unscrewed the cap and took a cautious sniff. At least it didn't smell like tripe.

"Great. Look, it's powerful stuff, so only use the smallest squirt you can. And..." Bucky rubbed at the back of his neck. "Grandma would kill me if I didn't make sure you'd use it responsibly. It does more than make a girl want to listen to you. It makes them, you know, willing..."

Steve shoved the bottle back in Bucky's hands, horrified. "No!"

"No, no! Steve, look, it's not like they're drunk or crazy. And you can easy just tell them you want to go dancing, or have a soda, or walk in the park, and they're fine with that. See, they remember everything that happened when it wears off, and if all they remember is that they went on a date with a gentleman and had a good time, what's the harm?"

"It's still wrong."

"Ok, fine. Don't learn how to talk to girls. I tell you this much, I never did more than kiss a girl when I used it, and none of them were ever upset the next day. It's not a big deal. Take it anyway, even if you don't use it, you'll have it and maybe thinking you _could_ use it would help. I don't like to think of you being alone and sad while I'm gone."

"Yeah, all right." It was only a joke, had to be.

"Promise you'll carry it with you."

"Ok, ok, I promise!"

 

Steve carried the bottle in his coat pocket for weeks. One day, reaching for his inhaler, he accidentally got the wrong bottle.

Grandma's Potion worked. The hat check girl hung on Steve's every word, the ticket taker at the subway followed him with huge, longing eyes. Even his landlady smiled and said the rent could wait another week, which was the final proof.

 

Steve was a very ethical man. Very. But... he'd always wanted to learn to dance, and how to talk to a girl. Training wheels, he told himself, and he was very, very ethical. He never kissed a girl until after the potion had worn off, and was surprised by just how many of them were very happy to kiss him, and ruffle his hair and call him adorable once he could smile easily at them and talk without stumbling over his words. It was pretty swell, actually.

 

Steve got in the car with Peggy Carter and smiled at her. To make small talk he looked out the window. "Oh, hey, I know this neighborhood. I kissed Sally in that alley. And Bettina in that parking lot. And Georgina behind that diner."

Peggy gave him an amused look. "Well, aren't you a smooth worker."

Steve grinned at her. "Not smooth, just... what's a fella got to lose if he asks nice? Worst a girl can do is say no."

"And you'd take no for an answer."

"Course I would. I understand how a person would want to wait for the right one. I'm still looking." Steve met Peggy's eyes. "Maybe you'd like to go out for a soda after this? They wouldn't let me drink anything ahead of time, you know."

"Maybe." Peggy patted Steve's arm. "We'll see."

Steve sat back and smiled.


End file.
